In the near field an idle, stylish horse raised one leg
while leaf edges filter the dusk light
from new blossoms folded back against the gloom.
Quiet seeps in, filling the shadows first,
so still the man could hear his waxy work-a-day boots
flex into the brown packed path as he steps.
He rests before opening the darkened door,
storm-cracked by a hundred Vermont winters
his forehead furrowed like the old paint, and wonders,
How long before nightfall?
For this poem, we were instructed by the kind folk at RWP to write a poem beginning with a line from a poem by the poet, Norman Dubie. We were given 10 choices and I chose "In the near field an idle, stylish horse raised one leg." The other nine and can be seen at http://readwritepoem.org/blog/2010/04/13/napowrimo-13-smoke-a-dubie/
nicely done.....thanks for sharing your words
ReplyDeleteLoved these different array of images. Really felt like I was there.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Marie!
~Mark
Yes, some vivid images here, particularly the storm-cracked door and his furrowed forehead. One tiny thing I would mention (I hope you don't mind) is that some lines seem to flip between past and present tense.
ReplyDeleteYes, Derrick. I'm glad you mentioned that. The changing tenses got me confused and I went back and forth a few times and finally just left it as it was. I had a hard time writing the poem in past tense.
ReplyDeleteI would appreciate help form anyone about the tenses in this poem. Can I make the first stanza past and the rest present tense or should I make the whole poem past tense? I'll rework after this challenge is over. Thanks, everyone!
ReplyDelete